Just say NO! to profanity

Let's start with football

Late last fall, I watched the Packers hammer the Pats in Green Bay. I watched it on TV, I should add, not in person. I already live in a cold climate, I know what cold feels like. I don't have to go out to enjoy freezing.

Anyway, Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers faced off on the frozen tundra. The game was an instant classic, maybe. I hate the Pats, and equally hate the Pack. So I was sort of cheering for the end of the world while the game was on; that way they'd both lose.

After one fruitless series, I watched as Tom Brady trotted to the sidelines and let out a string of profanity that even my three-year-old granddaughter could have lip-read. One of the announcers said something like, "That Brady, he's such a competitor." The other mindless boob in the booth chimed in, "Sometimes you just got to get it out and move on."

Really? That's our attitude to open profanity now? Watched by 20 million people. Really?

Later that night I watched the Broncos and the Chiefs. I like the Broncos; I really like Peyton Manning. He's a classy guy.

So Manning trots off one time, after missing a wide open Wes Welker, and shakes his head. As lips parted, I carefully watched for his silent words (thank God they don't have a ton of open mikes on the sidelines). And then the frustration boiled over and Peyton let it fly.

"Dang it," he chided himself. "Dang it!"

Now, let's talk about writing

I know some of you are clever and like to use lots of large, complex words. Some even go as far to fill pages with similes and metaphors. Sentences have perfect construction; paragraphs fly by with seemingly no effort. All is well in your writing.

So explain this to me, as if I were a simpleton: Why do you feel the need to fill your dialog with profanity? Really, I'm dying to know.

I've been told there are good reasons for the use of these kinds of words, sparingly though. Certainly not in every other line. Here's a few of the good ones:

1. Profanity is the language of the real person. Really? You think the Barack Obama uses a lot of cussing throughout the day? I don't. I've heard my mother swear once in her life; sadly in reference to me. Something, I did, made an "ass" of myself. That's it; her big use of profanity, saved up for a one-time use on me - for effect.

2. Profanity makes your writing real. NO! It actual cheapens your writing. You couldn't be any more clever than to spit out a disgusting word that is typically reserved for rap songs and trailer park conversations? And you think that's real? Tell me, how stupid does that sound!

3. The big authors do it, so should we. I know several who use profanity in their writing. Mostly, they use it sparingly, certainly not every page. But here's the rub: They are huge authors, with followings in the millions. You (we) are Joe (or Josette) Schmo; following in the dozens.

Early on in my writing career I read several articles on this touchy subject. The articles all said the same thing: You risk cutting your readership by more than half with the continued use of harsh language. That made me sit up and really think. The occasional "damn" or "hell" is forgiven. Even the once in a while "shit" can fly under the radar. But start dropping f-bombs and people will take notice - and not in a good way.

In 2016, I will introduce you to a character with a military background. In his particular branch of service, the f-word is used as a noun, an adjective, a verb, and so on. Yet, in the almost 650,000 words I plan for the four-book set, not once will he use something as crude as an f-bomb.

Mind you, I'm surrounding him with a family of younger ladies. And one of these young women is on him all the time about his salty language. "Really, Mr. Smith. Must you be so crude?" And that follows him telling her to "mind her own damn business." There are plenty of other ways to get his hardened personality across. I chose from the onset to portray John Smith's crustiness to my readers without resorting to long tirades of profanity.

In the end, it's your choice

So choose wisely, please.


Until next week, enjoy life through the eyes of another... in a book.


lake

My Books:

                        

Choose Your Words, and Commas, Wisely

Let's look at a few sentences so we can see what happens when grammar and punctuation are abused.

Let's eat Grandma.

I must admit, this is one of my all-time favorites. We assume that you are calling grandma for lunch or dinner here. Like she's in her room, or favorite chair, taking a nap. But that's not what this sentence really states.

In the sentence above, I can only decipher that grandma is dead, and we are going to have her for supper. What? You ask, reading the line again. Yes, I tell you emphatically, that is the true meaning of that sentence.

Perhaps you meant this instead:

Let's eat, Grandma.

Now that sentence gets across the first idea and leaves no room for doubt as to what you were trying to say. That was fun, let's do another.

Your donation just helped someone. Get a job.

Believe it or not, this comes from a sign at a charitable organization. I saw the sign myself. I'd really like to meet the person who wrote and designed this one. Or even the proofer who gave the go ahead to have these signs made up.

Here the sign offers two thoughts, one intended and the other - well, not so much. My donation helped someone. That's good to know. It makes me feel better when I drop off ten pairs of pants that are almost brand new and don't fit any longer (weight loss, not gain, in my case). I can already envision a man, down on his luck, gleefully pulling on a pair of work-causal khakis.

The second part of the statement (after the period), reminds me to go out and get a job. At the very least, it is reminding someone to get a job (I have two, thank you).

I bet they meant for the sign to read like this:

Your donation just helped someone get a job.

At least I hope that's what they meant. The original version is otherwise slightly rude I'm afraid.

One more before we close for the week.

Cam and Mitchell are competent, loving parents, both are lawyers.

Okay, first off if we are speaking of the two characters on Modern Family, they are not both lawyers. Only Mitchell works in law; Cam is a stay at home dad who does some "clowning" on the side. Glad to get that straightened out up front.

Next, I have no idea what the above sentence is trying to tell me. Are they competent men, loving parents, and lawyers? Perhaps they're competent, loving parents first; and lawyers second. Or maybe they are competent lawyers and loving parents. It's all messed up in my mind.

If I was going to rewrite this sentence, this is what I'd most likely do:

Cam and Mitchell are both competent, loving parents, and lawyers.

I might take the word "both" out of the sentence completely. I think it only adds confusion to the statement.

By the way, it's a good thing I didn't mess up the title of this post. It would have been embarrassing to see it in this form:

Choose Your Words and Comas, Wisely

That's just all kind of wrong and on so many different levels.


Have a great week. In the last month, I've reread The Jungle, by Upton Sinclair and Catch-22, by Joseph Heller. If you haven't read either, I highly recommend them for a great read.


e a lake

My Books:

                        

How to improve your grammar, as you write

Today, I have a few writing tips for you. Mostly I'll focus on improving your grammar (perhaps I should call it prose). And here's a little secret before we begin, you can do these things right as you are creating your documents (in my case manuscripts).

Understanding Word

First off, many of us create using some type of Word program. Perhaps it's Microsoft Word itself (at least one of the various versions of this program available). Did you know there's also something called Microsoft Word Online? A Word program that you never have to download to your computer. I happen to use Word for Mac; it's not as robust and full of features as the standard Word version, but I like it nonetheless.

We all know, or at least we should know, that when you misspell a word in this program, a red line pops up under the word. Highlight that word and you can find correct spellings 99% of the time. As an aside, many times I get the dreaded No Suggestion comment, instead of two or three suggested spellings. All this means is that I've mistyped the intended word so badly even a highly enhanced computer program can't figure out what I'm trying to convey.

You should also know that Word tries to tell you when your sentences don't make sense. Some will say, "Really?" Yes, really folks.

As you're creating, you'll notice a green line pop up occasionally under a sentence. This means that your sentence is not structurally sound - your grammar has an error. Sometimes there will be Consider Revising. Oh, that's a lot of help. So my sentence is fragmented, and it needs revision. What the heck is a fragmented sentence anyway, and how can I fix it?

One method is to read the passage aloud, and see if you can talk your way to a better sentence. Early on in 2013 I did this a lot. Sometimes it works, and the foul green line disappears. More often than not, my fixes are just as bad as the original version.

Ever Heard of Grammarly?

Grammarly is a software package that "Checks your grammar right from your browser or Microsoft Office. Improve your writing in emails, documents, social media posts, messages, and more." It is, for me at least, the bee's knees!

Even after I've eliminated every error that I can find in my manuscripts, I always run each chapter through Grammarly before I send it out for beta-reading. The program helps me eliminate passive phrases, mis-used words, missing commas, poorly constructed compound sentences, and much, much more. In short, Grammarly makes me look twice as good as my rough draft would show.

There are other programs out the that do the same function. To list just a few there is: White Smoke, Writer's Workbench, Right Writer, and so on. Just search "writing enhancement software" in your browser, and all sorts of choices will pop up.

A Quick thought on Scrivener

Recently I began using a more robust writing software named Scrivener. While the jury is still out on it's true value for me, I will say that I like it - at first blush.

Positives - Create chapters and even scenes, all in one place. No more having a separate Word folder for each chapter (and then group of chapters as you combine). The same misspelling warning, (the thin red line) as found in Word, is embedded in Scrivener. And a big plus, I can keep all of my research and character sketches right in my manuscript file. No more searching for this folder or that file. Everything I need is in the left-hand drop down menu for my immediate use.

Negatives - First off, there's lots of options I just can't use. It's like a Ford Focus driver jumping into a Ferrari; there are just so many bells and whistles that you're not used to. Also, some of the document formatting tools aren't very user-friendly. Which also reminds me - their user manual needs an update. I have yet to be able to use that piece of literature.

But, and I say this again, I like the tool all-in-all.

There are lots of tools available for every writer of every level. You just need to find them, and then consistently use them. At the end of the day these tools make your editor's job a whole lot easier. Oh yeah, don't forget to use an editor. Another set of professional eyes needs to review your manuscript before you hit the publish button. My editors are worth their weight in gold.


Until next week, keep enjoying winter. I'm using it to read a couple of classics over the next month: Joseph Heller's Catch-22, and, 'Salem's Lot by Stephen King.



e a lake

My Books:

                        

Five Mistakes budding authors make

Now that I've been a writer for almost two years, I'm starting to get the hang of things. Anyone more than a couple years in knows what I mean. At first, everything is terrible...and you have no idea why. But after almost 750,000 words put down on page, some of this begins to make sense.

After going back and reading some of my early creations, I began to notice the constant mistakes I made. Two years later, I've beta read a lot (and I mean a lot) of new authors work. Guess what? Many of them made the same mistakes as I. Let's investigate some.

1. We use too many adverbs

Actually, we new writers seem to be in love with adverbs. Quickly, rapidly, gruffly, shyly. And most of the time, they made sense...at the time. Consider this:

"I just don't know anymore," Charlotte added shyly.

Okay, that makes my stomach turn when I look at it now. Before, it was beautiful prose; a penned masterpiece worthy of high praise and laurels.

Charlotte peeked at me, her brown eyes barely visible through her long lashes. "I just don't know anymore," she added, letting her eyes return to her quivering hands.

Aside from removing the adverb, the sentence has also become much more active. Here we let her actions tell us of her shyness, her uneasiness with the subject. Before, well it was just blah.

Steven King says kill all adverbs; I tend to agree. If you search your manuscript for every one of these buggers and strike them away, you'll still have plenty left that you've missed. Adverbs, it seems, are perceived to be lazy writing. And I really can't argue with that statement.

2. We tell instead of show

I have a confession for you; at first, I had no idea what this phrase meant. If I wrote, Jim was mad, I believed that conveyed everything the reader needed to know. And to be honest, if you don't have a problem hanging with the B and C level writers, it's fine. But we're missing something if we accept the prior sentence as prose.

The young writer often misses the opportunity to use any of the five senses most, if not all, human beings possess. Let's revisit - Jim was mad.

Sight - I bet his face reddened, or his lips tightened, or his fists clenched by his side.

Sound - Maybe he snorted, perhaps his breathing became labored - audibly.

Smell - We can use this to contrast Jim's foul mood. The scent of lily's dissipated as Jim's anger rose.

Touch - I reach for Jim's arm and feel it tense. Or perhaps he jerks away.

Taste - I'd really have to reach to use this sense in describing Jim's mood. And chances are I would blow it, badly.

Not every situation can be told via all five senses, but the crafty writer includes them here and there to draw their readers into his or her story. When done well, the reader becomes part of the tale; as if they are standing amidst the characters, involved in their interaction.

3. The NSV Issue

Let me ask the world a question: Who told you to write all of your sentences in the same order and all the time?

Dick ran fast. Jane ran faster. Spot crapped on the carpet.

Noun, subject, verb... BORING!

Mix things up; don't copy, paste repeat. And while we're at it, please vary the length of sentences and paragraphs. If everything looks and sounds the same  line after line, page after page - we loose our readers shortly after mid-first chapter.

4. Dialog Tags

We put them in the wrong places, we misuse words we believe are tags, and we love to help them with an adverb (see mistake #1 again).

I read a manuscript last year where all of the dialog tags preceded the dialog.

Joanie said, "We don't have much time, Robert."

I had never seen this before. Wait, check that; I've seen this before, but rarely. I'd never read an entire book, novel, or manuscript when the tags came before the dialog. I still don't think it's correct, but I believe that's just a style issue for me; not a hard and fast rule.

"Better hurry up, we don't want to be late," Betty sang.

Yeah, about that. Unless Betty put the words to a melody, I don't believe "sang" should be used as a dialog tag.

"I just don't know any more," Charlotte added shyly.

Again, this is from mistake #1. Don't do it, please!

Some will tell you the only two dialog tags to ever be used are "said" and "asked". After all, most people don't even read the tags. So what's the point in singing or chuckling or spitting words at one another.

5. We forget the plot of our own creation

I'm guilty of this myself. Sometimes I get all caught up in action and dialog and forget to advance the plot. After writing a sentence (okay, perhaps a paragraph) ask yourself this:

How do the preceding words move the plot forward?

At times, my best stuff gets chopped because it doesn't meet the plot test. Great dialog and interaction - gone because all I'd created was fluff. If you take it out (sentence, paragraph, even a whole chapter) and it doesn't change the story and won't be missed, you've created mere fluff. Just something nice, in your mind, that shows this or that about a character or setting.

Steven King says, "A proper second draft, is the first draft minus 10 percent."

Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "The first draft of anything is shit."

So there, even the masters realize that not everything one pens will make the final cut. Look for your plot holes. Be stringent in recognizing writing the adds little to the story. The story, after all, is everything. The fluff we tend to create - sometimes just to add to the word count - needs to go.


There you have it; my top five mistakes from the first two years of writing. Remember, I'm guilty of all above. If you're honest with yourself, and please be, you'll agree with most.


Until next time, enjoy the holiday season. Even if it's not your holiday. Take time during the soon arriving longest night of the year to start reading the classic tale you've always wanted to.


lake