Things you won't miss in the Apocalypse: #4

Unwanted Phone Calls

We all hate them. And I don't think the discussion about the pesky interruptions in our day needs to go on any further. So when the Darkness wipes out phones -- all phones -- no one is going to miss any form of telemarketing.

No one is going to miss...

Unwanted telemarketers telling us they have a crew in our area today and they'd be happy to remove that low hanging tree branch. Newsflash -- I don't have any large trees in my yard. And even if I did, I'm sure I could handle it myself.

Or how about the lovely folks that call us on our cells, begging for donations. Yes, I love puppies, and old people, and clean air. No, I don't want to give money to Bernie, or Hillary or Ted. I don't care to share my pending vote on the citywide dog catcher referendum either. Just leave me alone.

I hate talking on the phone, anyway

Just ask my children. They'll tell you how a conversation with dear old Dad goes.

Them: Hi, what you doing?

Me: Super busy (sometimes true). What do you need?

So if I don't care to talk on the phone with my loved ones, why in the devil do I want to talk to you?

Sorry all teens, the Darkness will suck for you

Remember, all forms of electronic communications are going to die. That means no:

• Lengthy calls with that person you can't live without
• Chatting
• Instagram
• FaceBook Updates
• Texting

I know, dagger through the heart. But there will be an upside. You're going to get to know your immediate family members better. Okay, this might not be such an upside for either party now that I think it through.

But you'll be too busy surviving (hunter/gatherer mode) to care anyway...after several months of iPhone withdrawal.

Want to talk to your friends? No problem, sort of. You'll need to figure out where Chrissy and Tommy and Trigger have gone to. You like dead people? (Not so much?) Then maybe you should just stay put with your family. It'll save the emotional trauma.

Yeah, it's going to suck

But look on the bright side. According to most "preppers" and "prepping experts", chances are you're not going to live more than a year or two. So that phone that's glued to your hand right now? Not a big deal when you're starving, or sick.

In the next ten days I'll be beginning a new series...five people you'll meet in the apocalypse.

Until then -- enjoy your phone....

e a lake