Show, Don't Tell (A famous quote most authors understand)

I was mad, really mad. I hurriedly walked into the room. I needed to find my wife and take my frustration out on her.

Okay, before you get too upset, the above sentence is an example of something that any author may write. It is not what was going on right before I began writing today. All-in-all, the above mess gets the point across to the reader. Someone was mad, they hurried into the room, and looked for his wife. We can do better though.

I ran into the living room, my fists clenched, ears ringing. Scouring the area, I noticed my wife missing. "Where the hell are you, Carolyn?" I screamed. "You owe my a huge explanation."

So what's the difference you ask? Simply put, I told you everything in the first sentences; in the second, I showed you what was happening.

One of the most difficult concepts for new authors to get a handle on is the Show vs. Tell idea. Didn't I mention he walked "hurriedly" in the first one? I told you he was "mad". The reader should get the idea, right?

The answer is: maybe

I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet, without going into boring detail. But to me, it's all about the verbs.

Let's start with walked vs. ran. The first problem with the verb walked is that I used an adverb (a -ly word) to modify the first word. "Walked hurriedly" gets the point across, but what we really need to do is search for a better, stronger verb to make our sentence really shine.

That's why I used ran. You can see that action clearly in your mind. The same goes with mad (more of an adjective, yet can be a verb). Don't just tell your readers someone is mad - show them mad/angry.


Another example

The woods was beautiful today. Karen looked at the new green leaves, moving wildly in the strong breeze. She smiled, remembering the woods of her youth.

That's okay, but I basically told you about the scene. I showed you very little.

The breeze caused the spring foliage to flutter as if they were being shook by a giant. A musty odor reached Karen's nose, the smell of decay. She remembered as a child playing in piles of brown and orange as her father raked the backyard. The corners of her mouth curled upward; how long has it been since I thought of Dad? she wondered.

First off, I used a metaphor with the giant. These are great tools, just don't overuse them. Next, I killed the verb, adverb in the first (moving wildly) and replaced them with a stronger verb (flutter) - followed by the metaphor.

I also tell you Karen smiled and remembered her childhood without using those exact words. I gave you the specific memory (dad and/or) raking of leaves. And what is a smile if not the "corners of her mouth curl(ing) upward?"

Writers, good writers, learn how to show their readers almost everything. Rarely will they use words like mad, or happy, or beautiful. No, they show you what mad looks like, what happy might sound like, just how beautiful as rose really is.

 I'm not there yet, though I'm trying. It's hard to get the hang of this when you first start writing. But, as with anything, practice makes you better. Thus, I'll keep practicing.

(And remember to sign up for the free drawing to both of my novels in paperback form. Click here for details.)


Until next week,


e a lake

My Books:

                        

How to improve your grammar, as you write

Today, I have a few writing tips for you. Mostly I'll focus on improving your grammar (perhaps I should call it prose). And here's a little secret before we begin, you can do these things right as you are creating your documents (in my case manuscripts).

Understanding Word

First off, many of us create using some type of Word program. Perhaps it's Microsoft Word itself (at least one of the various versions of this program available). Did you know there's also something called Microsoft Word Online? A Word program that you never have to download to your computer. I happen to use Word for Mac; it's not as robust and full of features as the standard Word version, but I like it nonetheless.

We all know, or at least we should know, that when you misspell a word in this program, a red line pops up under the word. Highlight that word and you can find correct spellings 99% of the time. As an aside, many times I get the dreaded No Suggestion comment, instead of two or three suggested spellings. All this means is that I've mistyped the intended word so badly even a highly enhanced computer program can't figure out what I'm trying to convey.

You should also know that Word tries to tell you when your sentences don't make sense. Some will say, "Really?" Yes, really folks.

As you're creating, you'll notice a green line pop up occasionally under a sentence. This means that your sentence is not structurally sound - your grammar has an error. Sometimes there will be Consider Revising. Oh, that's a lot of help. So my sentence is fragmented, and it needs revision. What the heck is a fragmented sentence anyway, and how can I fix it?

One method is to read the passage aloud, and see if you can talk your way to a better sentence. Early on in 2013 I did this a lot. Sometimes it works, and the foul green line disappears. More often than not, my fixes are just as bad as the original version.

Ever Heard of Grammarly?

Grammarly is a software package that "Checks your grammar right from your browser or Microsoft Office. Improve your writing in emails, documents, social media posts, messages, and more." It is, for me at least, the bee's knees!

Even after I've eliminated every error that I can find in my manuscripts, I always run each chapter through Grammarly before I send it out for beta-reading. The program helps me eliminate passive phrases, mis-used words, missing commas, poorly constructed compound sentences, and much, much more. In short, Grammarly makes me look twice as good as my rough draft would show.

There are other programs out the that do the same function. To list just a few there is: White Smoke, Writer's Workbench, Right Writer, and so on. Just search "writing enhancement software" in your browser, and all sorts of choices will pop up.

A Quick thought on Scrivener

Recently I began using a more robust writing software named Scrivener. While the jury is still out on it's true value for me, I will say that I like it - at first blush.

Positives - Create chapters and even scenes, all in one place. No more having a separate Word folder for each chapter (and then group of chapters as you combine). The same misspelling warning, (the thin red line) as found in Word, is embedded in Scrivener. And a big plus, I can keep all of my research and character sketches right in my manuscript file. No more searching for this folder or that file. Everything I need is in the left-hand drop down menu for my immediate use.

Negatives - First off, there's lots of options I just can't use. It's like a Ford Focus driver jumping into a Ferrari; there are just so many bells and whistles that you're not used to. Also, some of the document formatting tools aren't very user-friendly. Which also reminds me - their user manual needs an update. I have yet to be able to use that piece of literature.

But, and I say this again, I like the tool all-in-all.

There are lots of tools available for every writer of every level. You just need to find them, and then consistently use them. At the end of the day these tools make your editor's job a whole lot easier. Oh yeah, don't forget to use an editor. Another set of professional eyes needs to review your manuscript before you hit the publish button. My editors are worth their weight in gold.


Until next week, keep enjoying winter. I'm using it to read a couple of classics over the next month: Joseph Heller's Catch-22, and, 'Salem's Lot by Stephen King.



e a lake

My Books:

                        

Enjoying Winter? Move Here!

Living in the upper Midwest, Minnesota more precisely, winter can be a brutal season. Already we've experienced double-digit negative temps; wind chills that can freeze exposed flesh in five to ten minutes; daytime highs below zero. Yeah, for all of you not from here, it's cold - really cold.

Another thing I need to tell you warm weather folks is that you never actually get used to being this cold. Oh sure, people up here brag about surviving in the icebox of the US. "Needed a scarf today, even a hat," locals joke. But on nights where it's 30 below and the windchill hovers around 50 below, no one goes outside unless they really, really have to.

But just how cold is it? I don't mean temperature, I mean in words.

It's really cold outside.

Okay, this tells me absolutely nothing. Cold is a relative term. A cold morning in LA could mean 45 degrees...above zero (wimps). Cold in Alaska could be 50 below. Let's try again.

It's cold enough to freeze the feet off a brass monkey.

Oh, now we're going with cliches; how wonderful. Again this tells me nothing. Use your words.

It's the type cold that takes your breath away.

This is better. Especially if you live in a climate where you know what cold really means. But what about for our warmer weather friends? People who've never had the cold take their breath away?

It's the type of cold where snow crunches under the weight of car tires, sounding like...

This is good, really good. When you use senses to help describe situations, people start to develop a picture in their mind. The better the words and phrases, the clearer the picture.

It's cold enough to freeze hot water within seconds; where exposed flesh will freeze (and ultimately burn) from three minutes of exposure. A cold so brutal, so bracing that even dogs refuse to go outside. Where steam rises from 33-degree lake water, freezing into tiny ice crystals in the frigid air.

There is a lesson here for all of us; not just writers, but everyone. We each possess enough language skills to accurately tell anyone from anywhere what we are thinking. Challenge yourself to find the best words possible for each sentence. Don't give into vagueness or cliches.

This year I'm trying to focus my descriptions into clear pictures. Not just sometimes, but every time - all descriptions. Of course, I need to watch out for the dreaded "purple prose"; where over-description ruins paragraph after paragraph. I know there's a fine line, a sharp edge to this game. Happily, I accept the challenge of finding that elusive line.


Have a great week,


e a lake

My Books: